Envying HER

Will you share your spotlight ?

I won’t (again). Yup, I’ve made stupid mistake before by sharing my spotlight with my friend . And I won’t do it anymore. Well, actually we’re (me and HER) in a good terms now. But I think, our friendship are fake. I mean, I (still) envy her sometimes.

My stupid mistake begin when I was in 7th grade. I was one of the famous cliques in my grade. That time, there are 2 famous cliques (Let’s call them group A and group B *I know, it sounds silly :p). I was one of the group A. We’re as famous as group B. Let’s skip the part about this famous cliques, shall we?

And this is my favorite part : I’m turning the ugly duck into the beautiful swan. Please don’t call me Fairy Godmother. I have this nerdy girl in my school , I don’t know why I’m starting a stupid conversation with her by saying : Hi, how are you?blablablabla…
And I was surprised that she’s actually not that nerd for God sake! She’s nice and funny -at first-

So, I started to hang out with her (I’m sure you guys know what kind of activities girls always do together at school, rite?) and my girls LIKE her ! And the next day I’ve realized that she’s already taken my place. Because everybody LOVE to talk to her or talk ABOUT her :

“You know, my crush is actually –the nerdy girl- senior’s back in elementary school ! “
“-the nerdy girl- is funny !”
“-the nerdy girl- will you accompany me to go to the toilet ?”
”-the nerdy girl- said that we should try to hang out at the...”

So, I decided to stay away from my clique for a while, and -the nerdy girl- while I was away took my spotlight, she became popular than ever. AND I HATE HER SO MUCH FOR THAT, IT CONSUMES ME !

But one day, I have this trouble with one of the girl in group B. And my clique (including her) helped me. And that day when I’m facing trouble with one of the girl in group B, the war has just turns out into : Group A VS Group B

But another war was also began inside my clique : me VS -one of my girls-

It’s stupid problem (I don’t have to write it here, it’s too hurt to remember). I’m having so much troubles in school that I’m begging my mom to moved me into other school and as you guess, my mom just laughed while starring at me and said : “Do not runaway from trouble. You have to face it and solved them, Tiwi.”

So, my school’s life which at first is as beautiful as fairytale now becoming a poorytale. Group A always talked behind my back about me (that’s what I heard from everyone) and my clique ? Oh, I found out that they’re really my friend ! They support me and giving me the best advice to avoid them. Yeah, they don’t solve my problem, they just told me to avoid them because (maybe) they’re just don’t want ended like me too : facing trouble at school -place where you’ve spent your time quite a lot : 5 until 8 hours-
the question is : will you suffer for 5-8 hours ? I’m sure you’re going to answer : absolutely NO.

And then miracle happen before the holy moon for moslem people comes : we’re apologized each other. And Group A and Group B becoming one group. Yup, we’re becoming the BIGGEST clique in our school since 9th grade. My school’s life back normal, but not for -the nerdy girl-

She’s facing a big deal with -one of my girls- . Yup, -the nerdy girl- becoming backstabber : she took my friend crush! Ow..I LOVE IT! Haa, you’re totally OUT! And yeah, she’s OUT! Now, she’s tried hanging out with the girls in my class but poor her, everyone in my class already know her new reputation as backstabber : EVERYONE HATES HER. She has NO friends. Ow, what goes around, comes around, rite?

I’m back with my (new) clique and it feels weird. They’re different now. So, I decided to out of the clique (again) and reunite with -the nerdy girl-. I don’t HATE her anymore. But I envy her since now because everyone always starred curiosly and asked : “You’re alone ? Where’s -the nerdy girl- ?” Arrrggghhh! Hello, can you just stop ask about her and look at me? I’m BETTER than HER !

We’re kind of bestie right now, but I’m not sure because she also sharing her life stories with other girl. And with my self center character : I want her to be my ONLY bestie! But I have no right to ask her change into what I want her to be. So, I’m still in my therapy to decrease the self center character inside my self. Wish me luck, guys !

Oh, and the big clique? (I think) We’re still friends until now (even the fact that we don’t talk each other frequently like what it used to be)

Being teenage is not always FUN, is it ?

XOXO.Tiwi.